Chapter 7: Initiating Luke
Meanwhile aboard the Millenium Bug, Oh Bi One is training young Luke Fencesitter in the ways of the Jaded Knights.
OB1: Luke, you are too tight you need to relax. Only when you are relaxed will you feel it penetrate you.
LUKE: Yes, Oh Bi One, I am trying.
Hand Solo looked on with a smirk on his face, as the old master initiated his young apprentice. OB1 suddenly stops, turns away and sits down. He falters, seems almost faint.
LUKE: Are you all right? What's wrong?
OB1: I felt a great disturbance in the Force...as if a great diversity of voices cried out in despair and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.
OB1 rubs his head. He seems to drift into a trance. Then he fixes his gaze on Luke.
OB1: We'd better get on with your training.
Meanwhile, KIN-ZEE 3.0 watches Poo Packer and AC-DC who are engrossed in a holographic game of "dungeons and drag-queens". Poo Packer seems very pleased with himself as he rests his lanky fur-covered arms over his head.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: Now be careful, AC-DC.
AC-DC immediately reaches up and taps the computer, causing one of the holographic leather-clad dungeon masters to walk to a new square and begin to whip a very submissive man dressed in a beautiful lilac ball gown. A sudden frown crosses Poo Packer's face and he begins yelling at the tiny mature-aged droid. 3.0 intercedes on behalf of his small companion and begins to argue with the huge Oz Bear.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: He made a fair move. His bishop has just fucked your queen. Screaming about it won't help you.
HAND SOLO: (interrupting) Let him have it. It's not wise to upset an Oz Bear.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a mature aged droid.
HAND SOLO: That's 'cause mature aged droids don't often tie you to an a-frame, whip you, lash you black and blue and then fuck your brains out. Well, maybe not as often as Oz Bears are likely to, anyway.
Hand Solo was still strongly affected by stereotypes and would have much to learn from his companions as his character develops.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, AC-DC. Let the Oz Bear win. On second thoughts, let me take over, and I'll make him lose. The prospect of being subdued by our hairy friend here seems surprisingly tantalizing.
OB1 continues to show Luke how he can be penetrated by the Force. Hand Solo watches with a bit of smugness, not to mention a small degree of arousal.
OB1: Remember, a Jaded Knight can feel the Force moving within him.
LUKE: Yes, I can definitely feel something moving inside me right now.
HAND SOLO: Hokey new-age nonsense about the Force are no match for a good porno video, kid. I've visited beats from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything like what he's doing to you now.
OB1 smiles quietly
OB1: I suggest you try it again, Luke. Just relax all your muscles.
OB1 places a leather balaclava on Luke's head which covers his eyes.
OB1: This time, let go of your civilised self and act on pure bestial instinct.
LUKE: I can't even see. How am I supposed to relax?
OB1: Your eyes can distract you. Don't trust them.
Luke feels like a laserbolt has just hit him square on the seat of the pants. He lets out a painful yelp.
OB1: Stretch out with your feelings. Yes, yes, yes.
Oh Bi One lets out an exclamation of success as he releases Luke.
OB1: You see, you can do it.
HAND SOLO: I call it beginner's luck.
OB1: In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.
And Oh Bi One, certainly had a lot of experience to base his statement on. Hand Solo notices a small light flashing on the far side of the control panel.
HAND SOLO: Looks like we've arrived at the art gallery.
LUKE: You know, I did feel something. I could almost sense the Force completely fill me. It felt real good.
OB1: That's good. You have taken your first step into a larger world.
HAND SOLO: What the...? Aw, we've come to the right address, but there's nothing here but an old dusty warehouse.
LUKE: What's going on?
HAND SOLO: Our position is correct, except...no, Raw Nerve Gallery!
LUKE: What do you mean? Where is it?
HAND SOLO: Thats what I'm trying to tell you, kid. It ain't there. It's been totally blown away.
LUKE: What? How?
OB1: Destroyed...by the Empire!
HAND SOLO: There's another car coming in.
LUKE: Maybe they know what happened.
OB1: Careful, it's a group of Imperial Dancetroopers.
HAND SOLO: We'll follow them, maybe they'll lead us to the princess...
