Chapter 6: Interrogation by the Board
While LUKE and OB1 have been recruiting new members for the rebellion, Princess LAY HER has been fighting battles of a different kind in the hands of DARK LEATHER...
Two imperial dancetroopers open a dungeon door revealing a captive Princess LAY HER. The princess's face is filled with defiance, which slowly gives way to fear as DARK LEATHER enters
DARK LEATHER: And, now Princess, we will discuss the details of your secret Rebel policies.
The door slides and the muffled screams of the Rebel princess are barely heard.
...Later at a closed meeting of the evil GayActing Empire
Eight board members of the Empire sit around a black conference table. Imperial dancetroopers stand guard around the room. Or perhaps they are just there for decorative purposes. Suddenly all heads turn as Grand Mock Lachlan, governor of the Imperial ghetto regions, enters. He is followed by his powerful ally, the Thresh Lord, Dark Leather. All of the board members stand and bow before the thin, evil-looking governor as he takes his place at the head of the table. The Dark Lord stands behind him. A studded leather collar adorns his neck, with the long dangling leash in Mock Lachlan's hand.
BOARD MEMBER: What of the Rebellion? If the Rebels have obtained a complete technical analysis of our strategic plan, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness and exploit it.
MOCK LACHLAN: Any attack made by the Rebels against this board would be a useless gesture, no matter what information they've obtained. This board is now the ultimate power in the ghetto. I suggest we take advantage of the situation!
DARK LEATHER: Don't be too proud of this ideological terror you've constructed. Your control of the pink dollar and gay ideology is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
BOARD MEMBER: Don't try to frighten us with your sociology, Dark Leather. Your sad devotion to that ancient mindset has not helped you conjure up a strategic plan, or given you clairvoyance enough to determine the Rebel's hidden policies...
MOCK LACHLAN: Their policies will soon be in our hands. We have been interrogating their leader, Princess Lay Her.
DARK LEATHER: Her resistance to the mind probe is considerable. It will be some time before we can extract any information from her.
MOCK LACHLAN: Perhaps she would respond to an alternative form of persuasion.
DARK LEATHER: What do you mean?
MOCK LACHLAN: It is time for more drastic measures. . . bring me the anal probe!
Several imperial dance troopers leave. When they return they whisper something in one of the board member's ears. Two dance troopers enter with Princess Lay Her. Her hands are bound.
PRINCESS LAY HER: Governor Mock Lachlan, I should have expected to find you holding Dark Leather's leash. I recognized your foul stench when I met the board.
MOCK LACHLAN: Charming to the last. You don't know how hard I found it signing the order to reject your membership!
LAY HER: I'm surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself!
MOCK LACHLAN: Proceed with the anal insertion
BOARD MEMBER: (nervously) I'm afraid that the anal probe is unavailable, it was apparently last seen inserted in some young and thoroughly obnoxious 4 year-old humanoid called Cartman
DARK LEATHER: I grow tiresome of these continued cross-overs!
The Thresh Lord casts his eyes towards the nervous board member. Suddenly he chokes and starts to turn blue under Dark Leather's spell. He attempts to speak but only a garbled barely intelligent sequence of sounds emerges..
BOARD MEMBER: ugh lk grls wth bg ft ttts, ugh lk grls wth bg vgns
DARK LEATHER: I am not interested in your sick heterosexual fetishes
The Board member slumps unconscious to the floor
MOCK LACHLAN: Oh my god, he killed Kenny!
PRINCESS LAY HER: You bastard!
The unfortunate board member whose name happened to be Kenny is dragged from the room by the imperial dance troopers.
MOCK LACHLAN: This bickering is pointless. Dark Leather will provide us with the contents of the Rebel policy before the AGM. We will then crush the Rebellion with one swift stroke.
(turning to the princess)
MOCK LACHLAN: Princess Lay Her, before your interrogation continues I would like you to be my guest at a ceremony that will make this board invincible. No community group will dare oppose the Empire now.
LAY HER: The more you tighten your grip, Mock Lachlan, the more community groups will slip through your fingers.
MOCK LACHLAN: Not after we demonstrate the power of this board. In a way, you have determined the choice of the target that'll be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the contents of the Rebel policies, I have chosen to test this board's destructive power... on your favourite art gallery... Raw Nerve.
LAY HER: No! Raw Nerve is non-political. They represent creativity and diversity. You can't possibly...
MOCK LACHLAN: You would prefer another target? A political target? Then reveal the policies!
Mock Lachlan waves menacingly toward Lay Her.
MOCK LACHLAN: I grow tired of asking this. So it'll be the last time. Give me the Rebel policies?
LAY HER: (softly) The Imperial Hotel.
The princess lowers her head.
LAY HER: The rebel ticket will launch at the Imperial Hotel.
MOCK LACHLAN: There. You see Dark Leather, she can be reasonable.(addressing the board) Continue with the termination of Raw Nerve.
LAY HER: What?
MOCK LACHLAN: You're far too trusting. Raw Nerve is too uneconomical to be supported by our exploitative board. But don't worry. We will deal with your Rebel friends soon enough.
LAY HER: No!
DARK LEATHER: Sign the paper work!
A sequined Imperial dance trooper reaches over and takes the termination order. The small, remaining vestige of creativity and diversity is reduced to an empty and dusty warehouse...
