Chapter 3: Luke Fencesitter yearns for adventure
Luke Fencesitter dreamt of adventure and all things exotic.Even though he was a farmboy, the urban eclectic within wanted to be a part of something bigger. This week he aspired to becoming a Goth, and though he often wore black clothes his friends said that he laughed too much to be a Goth...perhaps he could be a "perky goth".
That day he was to meet some Goth friends of his at a dingy Newtown cafe. The Goths were fussing over two new friends they had met...
GOTH: Luke, come and meet these two mature aged droids, Kin-Zee 3.0 and AC-DC
LUKE: I'm looking for adventure and romance. I have no interest in a mature aged droid.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: (quickly) Sir -- don't judge me in an environment such as this -- I've been places and seen things that you could only imagine ...
The droid rattled on and on for several minutes, till his companion AC-DC jabbed him in the side
LUKE: All right shut up! (turning to the Goth) I'll take this one home.
As Luke starts to lead the droid back into his vehicle, AC-DC lets out a pathetic little squeel and starts after his old friend 3.0.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: (pointing to AC-DC) Excuse me, sir, but my companion is
in prime condition. A real surprise. Uh, I'm quite sure you'll be very
pleased with that one, sir. He really is in first-class condition.
I've performed with him many times before. Perhaps you might care
for a threesome?
LUKE: Okay, let's go.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: (to AC-DC) Now, don't you forget this! Why I should stick my neck out for you is quite beyond my capacity!
Later...
The bedroom is cluttered and dingy, but filled with a friendly peaceful atmosphere. 3.0 is covered with warm oil. Nearby little AC-DC rests on a large sling with several cords around his torso.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: Thank you Luke! That oil rub felt so good.
Luke unties AC-DC and begins to tighten his nuts. 3.0 begins wiping oil from his bronzed body.
LUKE: You got a lot of scaring here. It looks like you boys have seen a lot of action.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: With all we've been through, sometimes I'm amazed we're in as good condition as we are, what with the Rebellion and all.
Luke struggles with AC-DC manouvering his fist within the little droid's cavity
LUKE: Well, my little friend, you've got something jammed in here real good...
The object comes free with a snap, sending Luke tumbling head over heels. It is a floppy disk carrying an MPEG animation. He plays it and sees an animation of Lay Her Orgasm, the Rebel princess... Luke's mouth hangs open in awe.
LAY HER: Help me, Oh Bi One... You're my only hope.
The animation fragment repeats over and over...
LAY HER: Help me, Oh Bi One... You're my only hope. Help me, Oh Bi One... You're my only hope.
Luke becomes intrigued by the beautiful girl.
LUKE: Who is she? She's beautiful. Is this all there is to the message?
AC-DC lets out a short snarl.
KIN-ZEE 3.0: Um, there's only so much you can fit on a 1.4 MB floppy and I don't think even AC-DC was too keen to have a Jazz Cartridge inserted up his...
LUKE: ... I get the picture!
KIN-ZEE 3.0: Have you heard of this Oh Bi One?
LUKE: I don't know anyone called Oh Bi One. But there is an Old Bi Wayne
who lives in the distant parts of the desert called Queen's Land. Perhaps
he is a relative.
